In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
