Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My vagina is very pro this idea
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize