the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
