dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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