it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
