drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
