If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
