Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
