if only i could text you this smell
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
