Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
