i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize