First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
