Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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