so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
