When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
