Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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