I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
