It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
