And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
