I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
