I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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