I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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