It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
