Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
