I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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