I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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