Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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