Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
