Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize