I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
