I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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