What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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