mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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