Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
