guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize