Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
