The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize