Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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