I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
