Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Be still, my beating vagina.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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