I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
