When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
