trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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