You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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