I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
