I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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