he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
