Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize