we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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