If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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