Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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