dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
being pregnant is like rehab
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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