he puts the penis in happiness.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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