once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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