ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
