hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
