i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
