im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
