you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
