my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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