So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize