i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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