Ambien. No doubt about it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize