theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
