He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
