Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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