It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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