Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i think i just lost a toe
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
